Butterfly It Up: Find what works for you. Then own it.
I’ve been mulling these days on writing groups vs. individual writing. The backstory: I’ve always wanted to be a writer who can sit down for a few hours at a time no matter what else is happening and crank through their manuscript. That seems like magic. Live a superpower. And like something I should be able to do, especially after a decade-plus of concerted effort to develop a writing practice. I’ve tried to be consistent and solo but, honestly, when it comes to the reality…I really only write when I’m with a group of people, also writing.
I have three different writing groups—one that’s very flexible and understanding; a second that’s show-up-and-get-it-done-OR-ELSE, and one that’s a wild-card gathering with whomever is available that day and time. And I’m about to start up two more that I’ll be co-facilitating with my colleague and friend, Abby Kidd. (Shameless plug for these two groups: GENERATE—a 1-hour morning write in on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of the month, and LGSD (Let’s Get Sh*t Done), a 6-week sprint toward our writerly goals, including craft lessons and critique groups!) That, all told, will be five writing groups.
I’m writing more now than any other time in my life besides grad school, and it’s purely because I’m hosting or joining writing groups. But I sort of felt like this was cheating.
I asked my friend and writing soul sister, Rebecca Mabanglo-Mayor (who has a new book coming out soon!) for some feedback on this pattern—am I being codependent because I only write when other people are around? Am I missing something here? Reb asked, “Well, are you less of yourself or more of yourself when you facilitate your writing groups?”
Dang, she’s good. More, of course. Of course. I’m more. I’m fulfilled and happier with my writerly, creative people.
Her question has allowed me to think through my worries in a new way. I’ve been too hard on myself for not writing the solitary-life writing style that I’ve been sold. It’s more authentic for ME when I have external pressures and social activities. I’m a social butterfly who also happens to be a writer, so why not lean in and just let it be ok?
I like this quote by Debbie Millman from her interview with Roxanne Gay on Finding The Courage to Create for The Creative Independent (which if you don’t subscribe to, you should. It’s a daily boost of creative inspiration delivered right to your email inbox):
“Sometimes, it’s just a matter of getting over that fear of trying. I don’t think at all about what I should or shouldn’t do, and I never have. It’s always more about can I do it as opposed to should I do it.”
Yes you can do it. And you should do it. Find what works for you. Then own it. Stop worrying. If you’re a social butterfly like me, butterfly it up. If you’re a solo writer, go solo. If you’re a fuzzy slippers at home person, please buy an extra set of fuzzies for this cold season. If you prefer the stilettos and fabulous face of makeup while sitting at the bar looking sexy as hell, please, by all means. Do it.
Remember, we writers are here to help connect people with themselves, each other, and humanity and we are needed right now. If you’re feeling sort of self-conscious about your writing process, thinking if you’re doing it “right” or “good enough,” cut it out. Instead just go after what lights you up, what makes you feel more fulfilled—so you can get to work!
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(Special shout-out thank you to Alfred Schrock on Unsplash for the use of his butterfly photo.)